At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
