listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
