it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
