How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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