I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
