I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
