I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i dont even know how to be here
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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