So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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