update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
