If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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