My first STD was from a foam party
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
