3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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