I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
