I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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