I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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