I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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