I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Randomize
