Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
