She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
