2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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