Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just blew my weed a kiss
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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