Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
