we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
