He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
