I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
