UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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