can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
