Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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