i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
