This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
