My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
