Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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