Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
