Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
