so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
vagina is talking i cant
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
