Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
