Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Mom said you looked used
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
