she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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