i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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