she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
