y did u give ur computer a hand job?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
