Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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