Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we're making bets on your personal life
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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