Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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