Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
