All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
