the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
