No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
