Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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