I just gift wrapped bread.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
