Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
