I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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