It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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