u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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