BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
