Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
